Fuck Planned Obsolescence

Sending forever.

As I've noted before, I named this blog The Nonpartisan for a reason. That reason is that no political faction in this country shares enough of my views, and I call things as they see them.  So despite what sounded like a right-wing rant against detrimental university leeches, today it's time I slip back into the Mao Suit, so to speak, because circumstance has mandated I rail against a repulsively exploitative side of capitalism.

What kind of circumstance?  Well, look at that header image.  My iPhone is fucking up, and I was going to take a screengrab of how badly it was fucking up, but it turns out it's fucking up so badly I can't get a screengrab, so I just took a picture of it with my camera.  The problems started earlier this week, when the Internet on the phone started crashing at random.  Then it got worse, with the Internet always crashing seconds after it was booted up.  Then it spread to other apps.  My translator now crashes, texts have stopped getting sent.  I cannot take photos anymore, because my iPhone is full, and whenever I try to delete them the photo app crashes.  Most outrageous of all, when I tried to make an appointment last night, an error in the calendar app prevented it from being made, so I had to cancel it in fear I might otherwise forget it, but also because that was the last straw and I headed off to the Apple Store instead.

After twenty minutes of wait time, I was "helped" by a woman who looked at my iPhone, and concluded that what was going on is it was a very old system, and did not work well with the apps.  I told her it had always worked before, and she said the updates were just taxing the system.  I asked her why the updates were made, then, and she spat something about Apple always working to improve performance.  I say here what I didn't say to her there, but maybe should've: Bullshit!

I'm not really the type to buy into conspiracy theories these days, but sorry; a phone suddenly, consistently fucking up this badly stinks like shit.  I don't think you're developing those updates to make phones run better, if they just have more memory to spare; I think you're deliberately make them fuck up older systems to force people to upgrade.  I don't need an upgrade; my phone has shown it can work fine when it has software made for it; it was not falling apart.  You, Apple, fucked it up with your "upgrades" I was told to download, and I will not cave to buying a newer system.

Are you bothered by this?  Are my conspiracy allegations unfair?  Swear you aren't evil?  Well, even if you aren't evil, you're stupid, and you had better wise up quickly, or the allegations will continue.  Even if you didn't develop newer versions of apps with the purpose of ruining older systems, you could have and should have tested them to see if they did.  If they did, and you know they don't work with older systems, then you, whom I think have a way of telling what system we're using, should not prescribe them as updates for that particular phone.  In addition, you will keep the older versions on file, to give back to those of us who fell to your new, faulty versions.  No more excuses; no more dragging customers by the balls.  I'm onto you, Apple, and I'm going to work to get as many others onto you as I can.

This bullshit, as I understand, isn't new in our culture, and it's ripe for, if not state intervention, a massive grassroots movement to raise awareness and boycott slimy companies.  Are you ready for that, Apple?  You'd best get ready, because once awareness is raised, even if the government doesn't turn on you, the free market will; another smartphone company will hear of it, they'll get on board with the people who hate your tactics, they'll pledge to be better, and they will outbid you.  This is the Information Age, Apple, which means two things.  One, once a secret's out, it's not just out; it's everywhere.  Two, we're addicted to this culture, and once you make browsing harder again, you'll face consumer rage.  Don't forget the recent backlash received by network providers who wanted the right to prop up artificial slow-lanes for stingier customers.  That sort of artificial inconvenience pissed people off, and yours will too.

Oh, and lest anyone think I'm whining about first-world problem, no; it's not.  Cellphone culture has a global impact beyond just inconveniencing customers; the materials put a strain on natural resources and discarded phones clog landfills.  I say reform it now, and it'll be a win-win for everyone who counts.  For those greedy, devious people who lose?  Fuck them.  Fuck planned obsolescence.  And Apple, if you continue to be a part of that, fuck you too.